Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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