Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
