I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
