You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
