Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
