I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
