"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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