I just threw up on my dentist
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
