Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
