I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
