I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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