please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
