you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
