Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize