I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
