I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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