This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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