No stitches, just platelets and will power
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
