I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
