you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
