nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
