So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
operation have a gay friend backfired
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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