No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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