Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dick very happy bro
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
