Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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