Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
