she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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