he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
