please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
