My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
