Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
