I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
