That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize