If i come over, it means nothing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
