I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
