brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
