he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize