Define "chronic" masturbator.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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