I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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