Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
