OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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