Apparently you make a good broom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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