How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
