p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
