The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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