my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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