I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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