In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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