Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
