you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
