My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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