I am puke
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
