i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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