Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
