he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
