she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
