so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
