i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
