I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
