You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
