At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
