I accidentally burped into my bong.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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