you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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