I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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