We named our party play list daddy issues
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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