please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
