I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
