I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
