i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How does one acquire holy water?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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