Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
