She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
