All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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