i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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