I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
