we have pet lesbian snakes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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