My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
this hospital has no fireball
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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