He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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