You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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