I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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