if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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